Asian Dating Opus

Does Age Matter?

In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon for a older gentlemen to marry a younger lady. If you ask why this is the case, you’ll get a varied amount of comments. The negative reasons usually have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some tell me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this argument are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, “gold diggers” “mail order bride,” etc.

In other articles I have written I agreed with the assessment that Filipina ladies want to improve their living status by stating that most ladies want to improve their status financially, no matter the culture. So this argument smells of hyprocacy.

Let’s get back to some of the more positive reasons. Most of the following comments are from me asking other Filipina ladies this question: “Why do you like older men?” or I may of asked: “Does age matter?”

Several ladies told me a younger guy is not settled. They are looking for someone who is serious and they seem to believe an older man is more serious about marriage. They did state that a younger guy may not have the financial means to come to their country to visit them and maintain a courtship. When pressed why they thought this, most simply stated “who would have a better job, a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy.” I didn’t get into the possibilities of a younger man having a good job with the ladies, but for the record, this seems to be the belief system of Asian women.

This tells me that these ladies weigh the criteria. They take getting in a long distance relationship seriously and don’t want to risk being involved with someone who doesn’t have the staying power needed to be involved in a long distance courtship. In some cases, these ladies had already experienced a relationship with a younger man and after six months was abandon. Getting your heart broken is no fun and most Asian ladies believe a younger man is more likely to do just that. To these ladies it doesn’t make sense to get involved with someone that may not be able to afford to fly to their country to meet them (this is one of the INS criteria for the K-1 process). These ladies realize this requirement and put more emphasis on this criteria then lets say a lady living in the states would.

All this talk about young versus old, led me to question the ladies motives. I simply asked, “if age is a factor in a man’s ability to see a courtship through to marriage, is this your biggest reason to marry?”. That’s when the subject of love came up. Most Asian ladies still want to be attracted to a gentlemen, but what attracts them versus what attracts an American lady seem to differ. Behavior is a big attraction. Most Asian ladies say if a man acts like a gentlemen, in time they find him very attractive and fall in love. Asian ladies don’t put as much emphasis on first looks or impressions. They are more open to courtship until they get to know your character .

This discussion about behavior, courtship, etc. led us back to the discussion of a man’s age. Again, most ladies believe an older gentlemen have rid themselves of his wild oats. They believe older men have learned how to treat a lady like a lady. They believe a younger male isn’t as patient and is more likely to have a wondering eye or worse, a wondering sexual drive.

After many conversations and emails, I can put this discussion about age in perspective. Age is a factor only because of an Asian ladies belief system. However, other criteria does weigh in. In this case, I can use my marriage to Liza (my Filipina Lady) as an example. Liza was courted by several gentlemen. I was far from the richest or best looking. However, I did have a stable job and could afford to be in a long distant relationship (I saved my $). Some of the gentlemen who had more money then I, actually turn Liza off. Even though she wanted to meet a gentlemen who could afford to be in such a relationship, she was not going to be bought. Any gentlemen who tried to shower her with fancy talk about his wealth was crossed off her list. I was much more humble and polite. That generated feelings which led us down the path to matrimony. There is no doubt if I couldn’t of afford to follow through with the courtship, Liza would of had no choice but to find someone else.

My example is typical. These ladies are not looking for wealth, but stability. They are not looking for a young stud, but a man who will treat her with respect, a man who wants to get married and will stay the course through thick and thin. Asian ladies just happen to believe that most older men fit this criteria. All I got to say to the older guys is count your lucky stars. For you younger guys you need to show the lady you are the exception to their belief system. Don’t try to buy them. Show them you care, you are serious about courting them, and that you have the will and maturity to make dreams come true.

Author, Steve Eyes, is a webmaster for FilipinaEyes Association and gains his insight from his online dating experience and helping others find love on one of his online dating web sites: http://www.filipinaeyes.com, http://www.filipinalady.biz, http://www.filipina-lady.org, http://www.filipina-lady.net.

KISS Verse

How to be Successful in Life, Dating, and Business

A big question. I am sure that everybody on this planet would like to know the answer to that.

A few years ago, I worked for a British time share company. I am sure that right now there are many people twisting their faces: “time share? Oh. No! “. I agree – But this is not the point of this article.

While I was working there, I took some intern course in body language and “The art of sales”. Since then EVERYTHING i want to “sale”, I manage to. By saying everything, i mean business, things that I want from my wife, from my kids, from my friends and family and so on.

How do I do that, you ask? Well, here it is. You can try to use this method in every field, and I promise you it will work:

As an example, I will use my first date with my wife which eventually leaded to our marriage.

Picture this – My first date with her, nice restaurant, candle lights, wine and music (you do need to set the scene first).

She came; we said hello to each other, ordered some wine and then the “sale” started.

KISS – Which means: Keep It Simple & Stupid. This is a very important point in the whole conversation. The more info you give freely, them more they need to think about. You should give info about your self, but try to think about what you say as you can talk too much and give some info that should not be given…at least not right now.

WH questions – As the conversation roles, try to ask as many WH question as you can: why, where, how, what…You need to gather as much info about them as you can to understand who is sitting right now and talking to you, what is his/her type, what does she/he likes…Why is that so important? As I asked my future wife on that first date all the WH question, I found at that she is a “homey” type, love romance, love to coddle…If I would right away start talking about me and my “wild” life, I would probably missed her interest in me. I do not say you need to be someone else just to get their attention, but trying to “win” this meeting.

Tea or Coffee – Now you have gathered all the info you need, and it is time to start closing this deal. You are not about to close it now, but we need to get closer to the goal of our “sale”. Tea or Coffee questions are BASED on the info you got earlier and now you try to focus on the points. For example: “so what you are trying to say is that you rather be at home then go out to wild parties?” or “so… what do you prefer, Madonna or Jimmy Hendricks?” With this type of question you are now minimizing the info you got to more focused answers.

The Closing – You have now got the info, got the focused answers, it is time to “close” this “ Sale”. What you want to do is to get a yes or no answer (depends on you) from them. If you will get that answer – You have just reached you goal. Who do you do that? Very simple. Use ALL the info from the entire evening/meeting and concentrate on the particular questions you wan to get yes or no answers to. For example: “so what you are saying is that if I could make some nice dinner for you, just as you like, with candle and wine, could we meet again?” Of course, you are waiting for a “yes” here. It is EXTREMLY important to use finishing statements at the end of your questions, like: “so you do like coddling, don’t you?” Use you head to nod as you ask it..it gives a “mirror effect” on people and they can’t help not nodding back.

As I mentioned at the beginning, you can use this technique ANYWHER on EVERYBODY…trust me it works, but as everything in life, you need to practise and a lot.

Hope you can and will use it in your life.

Author, Yair Czitrom, is the owner and webmaster of http://jaters.com - An experienced online dater that took his dating knowledge and web skills as a dater and as an IT pro to help other daters/singles in today’s cyber world. He is an expert writer on ezinearticles.com and searchwarp.com.

Spouse Apology Opus

Write An Apology To Your Spouse: How to Apologize In a Way That Really Works For You

Being apologetic doesn’t come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate and self-centered does. So I realized long ago that my marital survival would depend on two things: 1) learning to apologize and 2) becoming less selfish and more considerate.

It was easier to start with apologies. Over time I got better and better at learning how to apologize. I was amazed at the effect.

First, it was the basic mumbling of, “I’m sorry.” Those two words were remarkable in healing bruised feelings. It was as if I had a license to do what I wanted-- as long as I looked sincere and said, “I’m sorry.” It was like having a “Get out of jail free” Monopoly card.

When my apology failed to produce the desired results, I spruced it up. I would put my apology in a tuxedo, and my wife would be so grateful that I would get another reprieve.

Given my personality, I had lots of opportunity to practice making apologies. Ultimately I created a formula. It’s for the bigger offenses or for smaller offenses that you have repeated so often they’ve created a lot of tension with your spouse.

Five Step Formula For a Really Good Apology

1. Describe your offense. This is necessary so your partner knows exactly what you’re apologizing for.

2. Describe what you think is the effect on your partner. This display of empathy is comforting to the other person.

3. Describe why you did what you did. This reassures your spouse that you’re on top of the problem and reduces their need to nag you about it.

4. Describe why you’re interested in changing the offensive behavior. This demonstrates an understanding of the big picture that as couple you’re a team.

5. Describe a self imposed penalty for not changing. This one is the clincher. Think of an appropriate penalty for your offensive behavior, and tell it to your spouse. Tell them that if you don’t change you will impose the penalty on yourself. This reassures them that you mean business.

I encourage people to write their apology. Writing it out first or writing it and then giving it to your mate has several advantages:

1. You can collect and refine your thoughts. It is very difficult to think through an apology on the fly, especially if your angry partner is on the offensive.

2. You will be heard all the way through. Nobody will interrupt and start yelling at a spouse when they are reading an apology.

3. You avoid the hostile questions that often interrupt you when you start speaking the apology. These negative questions have the nasty effect of derailing your good intentions and then you just have another argument which demands another apology.

4. You avoid the raised eyebrows and squinting eyes during the apology which just derail you again. (See the last sentence in number 3.)

5. It looks like you have given this some serious thought (which might even be true).

6. You don’t have to sleep on the couch tonight.

Putting It All Together

1. Honey, I’ve been thinking about your comments that I don’t follow through consistently when I say I’ll do something. I apologize for that.

2. Being inconsistent means you can never be sure whether I will follow through or not. I imagine it keeps you on edge and wondering if you should “remind” me or not. If you don’t speak up you run the risk that I won’t follow through and then it is too late to take corrective action. If you do speak up, you run the risk of coming across like a nag.

3. I hate to admit it, but when I agree to something, sometimes it’s just to get you off my back. I think, “well, I’ll do it if I get time.” But if it’s something I really don’t want to do, often I simply don’t make the time. I’m also unreliable when my priorities collide with yours--and my priorities too often prevail. This means I really haven’t thought much about us being a true team where we can each count on the other to follow through.

4. I actually have some interest in improving my reliability. I would feel more aligned with my higher intentions about being a good partner, and we could probably have more fun together.

5. Finally, I want you to get off my back as a policeman to make sure I follow through. Both of us will feel better about that. So when I don’t follow through or give you a timely warning (stuff does happen) then I will work on cleaning the garage the following weekend for at least two hours every time I blow it.

Our book, “Tell Me No Lies,” includes some helpful insights about apologies. For more information or to order, visit The Couples Institute.

May all your apologies be little ones.

Written by Dr. Peter Pearson. Since 1984, The Couples Institute has helped people create extraordinary relationships. They'd like to help you and your partner overcome your problems and evolve as a team. Visit www.couplesinstitute.com to subscribe to their free newsletter.

Speed Dating Ode

How Does Speed Dating Work

Speed dating is one of the freshest dating movements in the United States and United Kingdom and continues to spread quickly to the rest of the world. It draws so many people because of its exciting, fast and no pressure way to meet other singles. At one event, you will come into contact with a number of people and participate in quick one-on-one conversations. This process eliminates the stress of going out, finding someone attractive and working up the courage to break the ice. There are no long, expensive dinners or blind dates without chemistry. The people at these events are there simply because they are serious about finding the right person to date.

Speed dating can vary at each individual event as far as the number of participants and the amount of time you are allowed to ‘date’, but the general idea is the same for all of them. You need to find an upcoming meeting in your area and register in advance. The registration helps the coordinators assure the ratio of men to women attending are the same.

First, an equal group of single men and women gather together at a predestined location. Most of the time the gathering room is filled with ‘tables for two’ and each table is marked with a letter or number. You are then paired up with your first ‘date’ and normally allowed between 3 to 8 minutes to get to ask each other questions. At the end of this time, you move on to your next ‘date’ and begin again.

If you would like to see more of one of your 'dates’, you have a dating card to either check a box or write down a name of the person that you would like to see again. Sometimes you can even log onto a web site after the event and enter the names of those you wish to have a second date with. Whenever two individuals ‘match up’ after submitting this information, contact information is provided to both so that a second meeting can be set up.

While this process might sound intimidating, most people who have braved one event find that it is not that bad and can even be an efficient way of meeting new people. The trick is to try to connect or relate to each other as speedily as possible.

The concept is very simple with speed dating. Showing up with a prepared list of original questions that mean something to you is probably a good idea and can help as an indicator as to whom you might want to see again. You’ve got nothing to loose by registering, preparing some questions and showing up with an open mind. Try to enjoy yourself and have fun with your speed dates!

Author, Kelly Wolf, writes for SinglesDating247.com - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/.

Blind Dates Poem

Do Blind Dates Really Work

Aside from the amusing stories we hear or see from the entertainment industry, many people often wonder if blind dates really work. Although I don’t have an answer that is loaded down with statistics and polls, I offer something different- a common sense point of view.

Most of us meet many potential mates through friends at parties, clubs, restaurants and various other places. It seems to be the natural progression of human nature. We are friends with someone because we both have qualities that appeal to the other. They have other friends for the same exact reason. It seems to be a logical assumption that a ‘friend of a friend’ would be a wise choice to consider dating. The same would apply to a blind date- a ‘friend of a friend’ whom we haven’t met yet through chance.

Friends and family are the most likely to attempt the blind date for a single person. Those who know us best always seem to approach the blind date proposal with something like, “You know who would be perfect for you?” It’s a great start for a single person to find a partner. As far as what we like and are attracted to in a friend can definitely be found this way.

The downside to this process is one that can be the most frustrating. No one can interpret ‘chemistry’ between two people on any level except for the individuals themselves. Friends or family can make a guess based on who you have dated in the past, but there is no clear definition of what any one of us finds as far as the ultimate attraction.

When you walk into a bar or club, you know what is appealing to you. You are aware of the ‘hottie’ you’ve made eye contact with since the minute you walked in the room. Unfortunately after speaking with him or her, you might find that initial attraction has dissolved in their poor grammar, immature attitude or cheesy pick up lines.

Let’s face it- it’s not as easy as people think to meet your mate or even someone with which you can have a lasting relationship. Online dating is convenient and sometimes even fun, but it is time consuming to make sure the person you are connecting with online is honest and up front about who they are and what they want. You can easily find physical attraction just about anywhere. Finding that physical attraction with a matching personality is the tricky part.

To sum up this deliberation- yes, blind dates really work. I’m in a relationship resulting from a blind date. I chose to listen to friend’s suggestions and go out with some blind dates that offered no physical appeal to me to find the right person, but we could at least chat about our common acquaintances and feel relatively safe while we were together. I also knew that they were looking for something similar to what I was looking for.

But so many other people have simply been in the right place at the right time to meet their partners. Is one way of meeting people better than another? Maybe not, but if you want a way to meet where both parties are more likely to be on the same page and a level of comfort can be felt due to mutual acquaintances, blind dates just might work for you.

Author, Kelly Wolf, writes for Singles Dating 247 . com - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/.

Online Dating Serenade

Online Dating Consideration Ideas

So, you’ve decided to take a chance and try online dating. You’ve checked out the sites, posted a little bit of information about yourself and what you’re looking for and possibly browsed the potential contacts that you would like to make. More than likely, a few people have piqued your interest and you think you’re ready to make contact. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Read the profiles that interest you thoroughly. Pay attention to the ideals and interests that are important to you. Read the sections that are personally written and see if they touch you in any way. Sometimes the small details or what is not being said can be the most important.

Use the tools you are given on the dating site. Most support their own e-mail, chat or instant messaging services. Anonymity is important to most people these days when taking a chance with online dating. These tools enable a person to stay safely anonymous as long as they like and can usually block any offensive or undesired contact from specific members.

Make sure you know what you are looking for whether it is friendship or a long-term relationship. Contact or reply to like minded people and there won’t be any misunderstood intentions on either side. The way most profiles read give you an idea of what someone is really looking for. Some sites even include that information as part of the profile process.

Have a list of question you would like to ask. They don’t have to read like an application, but the idea is to get to know the person and see if there is compatibility. If a picture is not posted with the profile, you will probably want to ask for one. A good question to ask is if the picture was taken recently. Not everyone wants to post his or her receding hairline or bad haircut and will post an older picture! Another good question to ask is if the person is in an existing relationship or how long ago their last relationship was. You aren’t guaranteed the truth, but sometimes a reaction will let you know that this is not a person you want to pursue something with.

Take your time with the process. Don’t let anyone rush you. You are not committed to meeting anyone based on a specific timeline. Be thorough in your research- you have the tools right at your fingertips! The right person will make the connection with you and you will be ready to personally take matters into your own hands.

Remember these suggestions are merely ideas on how to safely and comfortably explore the world of online dating. You know yourself, what you are looking for and your personal boundaries. Be as safe as possible but above all, have fun!

Author, Kelly Wolf, writes for SinglesDating247.com - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/.

Ex' Verse

They Have Kids

You’ve met someone who stirs you in ways you’ve only imagined. E-mail from them arrives in your mailbox and you smile. Their voice on the other end of the line makes your stomach flutter. The sight of them makes all your worries seem unimportant and their happiness all that matters- until you hear a child scream for them and they have to deal with the situation in another part of the house. You snap out of your amorous state of mind and anxiously wonder if you are ready to deal with the other part of their life- the kids.

I’m sure you knew going into the relationship that they had kids. It wasn’t a real issue until you met them. All kinds of feelings are associated with this kind of situation. Anxiety, unease and feeling uncertain about the kind of roll you might play in the lives of this family. It can feel like an overwhelming position but one that you are considering if you have begun to contemplate your readiness.

You are with this person because there is chemistry. A relationship with the kind of chemistry you feel with this person is hard to find. It was easy to put off dealing with the fact that children were involved at first. When your new partner was ready, you were invited to meet the kids and that’s where the reality set in.

First and foremost, you must like children! If you generally find that you don’t enjoy children, there isn’t a very good chance you might miraculously fall in love with his or her kids. You need to see how well you get along with the children. A day at the park or an outing for ice cream is a great way for everyone to interact and feel each other out.

You will need to see how well you get along with the ‘ex’ if he or she is involved. In any kind of situation, the better the adults get along, the better it is for the children. You don’t have to be best friends, but to be able to acknowledge each other in greetings and exchange a few words let the kids know that you aren’t any threat to the existing structure of the family.

Finally, you need to define your role in this family. A detailed discussion with your partner about this should clearly define any kind of expectations and limitations on your part. You should also use this opportunity to express your concerns and address them. Above all, the fact that you have reached the point of asking yourself if you can handle being with someone who has children is healthy and normal. It is a realization many people have to deal with these days. The maturity it takes to recognize and deal with the potential issues has you already taking a very positive step forward, whatever your decision might be.

Author, Kelly Wolf, writes for Singles Dating 247 . com - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/.

Online Dating Opus

Online Dating

A common question among friends these days is whether or not singles should try to meet their ideal partner through online dating. The first answer usually comes from the cautious individuals who warn against predators and seemingly demented individuals. Next you have the handful of people who know ‘so and so’ who just got married to the person that they met online. When it is my turn, I always point out that there is no commitment by simply looking and discovering how it all works. What has someone got to lose by setting up a simple profile and seeing what happens?

By definition, online dating is the association of two individuals through the Internet. The idea doesn’t seem all that different from meeting a stranger in a bar or nightclub. Instead of getting dressed up, going out and using your discerning eye to select potential candidates from a crowd of singles gathered for various reasons, you can sit at your computer and put in a basic order for the ideal person. The initial ‘weeding’ is done for you.

First you need to choose from the numerous sites that offer this type of service. Make sure to visit several sites, browse as much as you can without signing up and make an educated decision about which one(s) might suit what you are looking for. Several sites offer many different options as far as what you can advertise you are looking for in a relationship from friendships to something very serious. For some, this range offers a great deal of prospects to choose from. Others would prefer a site that is much more focused on exactly the type of relationship they are looking for.

It’s the next step that is probably going to be the most difficult one. Actually communicating with someone who interests you or who has already let you know that what you have put in your profile interests them. Most sites have a ‘hint’ you can send to let a subscriber know that they have your interest, whether it be a smile, wink or some other cute flirting device. You will probably receive the same back or even a personal message. That’s where you make the decision about whether or not someone interests you enough to proceed. If no one interests you, don’t despair. People create profiles every day and some sites even offer suggestions based on questions asked when you set up your account.

If someone interests you immediately, you will have to make initial contact or respond to his or her inquiry to you. It’s even possible to feel the excitement and flutter in your stomach when you begin contact that you feel when meeting a potential date for the first time!

It’s important to remember to be cautious at first, be yourself, and be aware of potential problems with any person that might contact you and follow your own instincts. But most importantly, be yourself and have fun! It might be different for you, but you are now in charge of your dating life through your computer!

Author, Kelly Wolf, writes for Singles Dating 247 . com - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/.

Catching Lover Ode

7 Proven Ways You Can Catch a Cheating Lover

If an outsider attacked your lover, would you stop him? Would you defend yourself and your spouse against an attack?

A cheating lover who breaks a promise to be faithful is literally attacking your relationship. If you suspect this is happening, you owe it to your love to defend it. Otherwise you will either never really be able to trust your mate, or you won't even realize that you've been a sap until your partner walks out the door...forever.

If you're worried that your mate is cheating, keep your head together and start collecting evidence. Whatever you do, don't let your partner know you suspect until you have some good, solid facts to back up your suspicions. A cheating lover, backed into a corner, usually finds an excuse to leave the relationship precipitously. And a faithful lover does not need to ever know there was suspicion.

Here are seven proven, tried-and-true ways you can catch a cheating lover:

1) The single biggest tip-off is in sudden behavior changes that continue sporadically. A work routine that has changed, such as staying late at the office or long lunches could be a tell-tale clue. Call him, just to see if he's there. Even drop in on him, once you suspect him, at the office, bringing some cookies or a present for an excuse.

2) Does she pick on you, looking for things to criticize? This may mean she's building a case to justify leaving the relationship for good. Does she create a fight then leave the house in a huff and stay away for hours? Warning!

3) Are there changes in his appearance? Does he take more interest in it, dressing better and being more careful with grooming in general? Has his style of dress gone from conservative to, say, Mobster Mannequin or Lounge Lizard? Time to open your eyes... and keep them open.

4) Does she seem to suddenly get a lot of cell phone calls she avoids taking in your presence? It's probably the other man.

5) Is he suddenly going out with his male friends, supposedly? Ask him where he's going, and go there to check. But be surreptitious; stay in the shadows!

6) These days, there are lots of high-tech gadgets and methods for capturing an adulterer. You can actually track every keystroke in a computer, for example, every call on a cell phone... and you can do these things without a trace. Installing spy-cams is an option, or hiring a private detective.

7) Have you noticed an abrupt and lasting change in your sex life? Is he holding out on you physically? Do you find his excuses downright lame? This is red-flag time.

A monogamous relationship is a serious commitment and accusing a partner of adultery is a serious charge. An open mind, balance and neutrality are the watchwords.

Now. Memorize this article and fight back for your relationship... the smart way.

Written by W. Aris. Learn the fool-proof technique to catch a cheating spouse at http://www.cheating-lovers.com.

Communication Opus

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. In order to make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust in another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it is a very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with that trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will surely create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly trust another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. You are at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind of emotional attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst those emotions now.

This is why communication is so important. It is the key to opening all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked and one will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. I am not saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, it can be done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass in the future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect, they will have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future. Those are extremely important in tearing down those walls.

Communication is a very important act between two people. It even has more importance than sex to keep a relationship building stronger. In order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. If one mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in confusion and frustration.

Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry about the EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds to the color to our black and white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we all worried and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing. But only for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each other would get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds, but what would be the point if we thought and worried the same.

A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in a relationship. It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and also our own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then will we offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very important thing about a person sharing their inner most fears and disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person or walk away in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it and hear them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or nonsensical because you would never have those concerns. Remember the ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you both communicate, otherwise you will add another block to the wall of communication breakdown.

When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If we are not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, we will quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brick has then been set, the foundation of the wall to communication breakdown will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a single relationship that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall of communication. There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationship together in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to page one and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental hearts we can get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in a relationship. Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humans create, is to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word "regurgitate", because that's how I view having things being tossed back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovely habit (NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when we are in the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because we already know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheap and bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end up shooting old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem there is that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happening is that both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocks to the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.

Communication can only really work when neither party is being selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they are being attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is all about hurting them. They have automatically closed an open door without even realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feel this way. Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let the other party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfish act. That is why it is important that we take turns with each other and try to understand what is actually being said.

If one partner misunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to get them to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until the other person has completely finished.

This is why the power of writing is so productive. One person writes his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of being derailed from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all of their chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this, so listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdown is starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to each other is a very good way to bypass the wall.

Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helps you to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional when writing it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was just upset at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of us struggling with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.

Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that you will never be able to communicate with your partner again and just want to run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and why you are running from. Are you running from a partner that could very well be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with? Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you will run forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away is a cop out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight and trust that your partner will understand your troubles is a true sign of courage and one that will be greatly respected.

We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they did happen and that is what they are, past issues. To have your past continue to come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whether it is a person or just an experience, it should be left in the past. This is where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When we are made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimes makes them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to come about again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will be weak in defense and our ability to communicate positively will be almost non-existent.

Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threat to their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with through love and understanding. Again we must communicate with each other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and true fears. That wall of communication breakdown will never completely come down if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrong that they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure most any mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing and honest with each other.

********************************************

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

- Anthony Robbins

"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and hugzzz"

-Dorothy

"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I think that love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as the better, not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the closest can share, with communication, respect,"

-Anonymous

Author, Dorothy Lafrinere, Owner/Operator. Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com. Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy. Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com. email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com.

Dating Logical Serenade

The Logic Of Females - Or Lack There Of

Many males complain that they don't understand females. Many females complain that they don't understand males. We also have the classic saying that men are from mars and women are from venus. Physically both sexes are very similar and are of the same species so what is the problem?

After much reading on the subject, there seems to be a general consensus that there is a fundamental difference in the way men and women think. The bottom line is that men think with logic but women think with emotions. This is why a male gets so frustrated with a females sometimes irrational behavior.

Additionally, a female rarely says directly what she wants. Instead, she will use reverse psychology by asking the male a series of questions until she gets the desired answer. If she does not get the desired answer she will take the huffs and give the male 'the cold shoulder treatment'. She thinks this will alert the male that something is wrong and he will do what she wants….with out actually telling him |:(

Meanwhile the male is left dazed and confused as to what happened. After which an argument is usually required to get to the bottom of the problem. The whole situation could have been avoided if the female had stated directly what she wanted in the first place.

When asked why they do this, most women will either answer that they don't realize they're doing this or they simply don't know why. Many an argument could be avoided if what came out of a girls mouth was the same as the thought that was processed in her brain. But alas, it is not.

The classic example is a couple driving along a road. The female is hungry so she says to the male 'would you like to get something to eat?' The male replys 'no thanks I'm not hungry at the minute' and keeps driving. She then takes it thick because she didn't get the answer she was looking for. If she had said 'I'm hungry, pull in at the next shop so I can get some food' he would have done just that without question.

This all stems back to the fact that a female thinks with her emotions, not logic. This is why a male cannot understand a females rational. Males cannot read between the lines. They are not psychic or clairvoyant and they need everything spelled out to them in black and white.

Males often also complain that females are moody, have mood swings and show irrational or erratic behavior. This is especially apparent in times of stress, emergencies or significant events where body chemicals and emotions are highly stimulated.

Because a females behavior is affected by her emotions and her emotions are affected by her body chemistry and her body chemistry is in a state of flux from one month to the next, it can only be expected that a female would exhibit erratic behavior that is a mystery to a man whose body does not go through a constant monthly cycle of change. Re-read that last paragraph guys if it went over your head.

Unfortunately this behavior is genetically built into a females body. So sorry guys, you are going to have to live with it and while you can't get rid of it, you can at least be aware of it and try to understand it.

So in short, guys need to try to interpret better what a girl is saying, as it may not be exactly what she means. Girls need to try better to say exactly what they mean, if they want their guy to do what they want, without playing head games with them. Weather this is actually possible (as it goes against our genetic programming) is another case entirely.

Author, Jack Crow, is a freelance writer and part time webmaster. When he's not building web sites he's checking out new dating sites that appear on the net. To see what he thinks of them visit: http://www.sexy-american-singles.com.

Online Dating Sizzling Poem

Online Dating - 8 Sizzling Tips To Make Your Profile Standout!

We know one of the hardest part of creating your profile is describing yourself to others. Dating pearl.com gives you the freedom to define & express yourself so you can put your best foot forward. Following are some time tested nuggets that can assist you in creating a compelling & attention grabbing profile.

Honesty is the Best Policy

As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Honesty is taken seriously at Dating pearl.com and it's the single most important thing to remember when writing a great profile. It's much easier to write about yourself if you are honest about who you are. It prevents you from having to spin ways to best sell yourself or guess at what you think other people want to read.

A major part of being honest is not misleading people down the road. People will assume that what you write is true — and you don't want to set people up for a surprise later by stretching the truth in your profile. For example, if you hate mountain climbing, don't say you love it just to grab the eye of an outdoorsy type.

Give Some Thought Of What Sets You Apart.

How are you different? What gives you your unique character? If your friends were describing you, what would be the three things they would all say about you? These are good questions to ask yourself as you get ready to write your profile.

Put Your Negativity Aside

Often times, people start their ad off with, “I’m sick of … !”, “ I’m tired of…!” or “ I hate Brunette…!” etc. It’s advisable not to include this as the first thing that you want to express in your profile ad. It just gives the impression of too many unhealthy relationships in the past. Instead, try to be more positive & upbeat in your profile. Soon enough you will notice a leap in the response rate.

Stay Open & Be Conversational.

Leave formality at the door and write your profile like you are talking to a good friend. Of course, there are some things you might tell a good friend that you probably don't want to include in your profile. It's a good idea to avoid mentioning past relationships and exes, or discoursing on being lonely or desperate. Be optimistic!

Show How, Don't Tell.

The best profiles show, don't tell, who you are at your best. If you are known for being funny, try explaining how or why you are funny - such as, "I've been known to show up to a party in a wig", instead of "I have a good sense of humor." Paint a picture in their minds of the kind of person you are.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

The importance of this point can’t be emphasized more. Your smile, the background that you're photographed in, what you're wearing; they all paint a picture of what you're truly like. And including a recent photo will get you 800% the attention.

Updating Your Profile Often.

Keep your profile fresh. Every now and then, go back to your profile and update it to let people know you're still out there.

Go Through Your Spelling & Grammar.

Check your profile for typos and spelling mistakes before you submit it. Show that you spent time thinking about them while writing your profile. Always proofread your ad & run it through a word processor, such as Microsoft Word so that you can have your spelling & grammar checked.

Author, Amanda Lee, Love Editor of Datingpearl.com. For more information, please visit http://www.datingpearl.com - Online Dating Community with a new twist for Love, Friendship & Romance.

Love Verse

Conquering a Woman's Heart

Conquering a woman's heart is for many men more or less some kind of a minefield. Certainly, women contain every ingredient needed for making a Molotov Cocktail, and the key is to handle them gentle enough not to set them off.

Applying to animals and humans alike, instincts gave women the privilege of picking while men the "honor" of doing their best to convince them that they are the best choice possible. Although it might not seem such an easy job, it comes with our own nature. More than that, as the Bible says, women were created from and for men.

Don't let yourselves fooled by all those saying that they have the secrets needed to get any woman and become modern Don Juans. The only secret I can think of is being yourself. The rest is, believe it or not, pure and simple human psychology.

Just to give you an idea of how simple it can actually be, I'll just list a few of the things needed for the "big conquest". Before attempting anything, every man should keep in mind that the times when males stood up on a heap of dirt and showcased their powers are long gone. You don't have to prove her anything! Instead, make her want to discover your qualities.

PATIENCE. This is not a hit and run thing and showing some patience tells the woman that you could represent more than just a waste of time. Forcing a woman into something she does not want to do is a major mistake that will most likely cause irreparable damage to the relationship.

HUMOR. Aside the relaxed atmosphere they create, funny guys inspires optimism and positive attitude. After all, do you like a woman that always complains about something?

WITS. Without some activity in your brain she could take off before you know it. Nevertheless, a savant attitude will most likely make her feel bad and underestimated. Keep in mind that women fight for equality and never try to show her what an undiscovered genius you are. After a couple of minutes of relaxed, humorous and subtly witty chat she will figure you out by herself.

SENSITIVENESS. Despite some opinions, women DO like sensitive men. Nevertheless, there's a big difference between a sensitive man and a weak man. Let her feel that she can rely on you, that you're always on top of the situation but you can listen to her problems and maybe even help her out sometimes.

GOOD LOOKS. You don't have to be Brad Pitt to be considered good looking. What matters most is the way you let her understand that you take care of yourself. A clean and tidy person will most likely have a clean and tidy relationship.

PUNCTUALITY. Men are NEVER allowed to be late while women HAVE to show up a little late so the man knows she is still to be conquered. More than that, it is the woman's way of letting you know she was preparing herself to look her best for you. You should never come up with excuses for being late, even if they might be true. Any excuse is just as pathetic as the next one, so if you think you can't make it in time simply let her know with some time in advance.

The list could go on and on but the idea behind everything is the same: always be yourself, treat her as your equal and understand her as a human being and not as a good catch. Women always sense these things even if you don't say them out loud.

Written by Caterina Christakos, published author and dating coach. For your free Seduction manual go to http://www.what-women-want.com.

Wonder Woman Opus

7 Things You Must Know About Women

Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us difficult to figure out. It isn't your fault. It's not like anyone gave you a guide book on women in highschool to study.

Here are some of the mysteries about women revealed:

1) Before you even get to the door most women wonder if you are Mister Right.

2) She is just as anxious as you are about your first date.

3) Women like your undivided attention. Pay attention to what she has to say and she will be more interested in hearing about you. Also keep your eyes on her. Eyeing any of the other women in the room is a definite way to make that first date your last.

4) After the first date women pretty much know if and when they will sleep with you.

5) Many women don't want to get married or at least not as early as they used to. Many women are staying single into their late thirties in favor of pursuing their own careers.

6) A woman can complain about her family all she wants but the second you criticize her family start packing your bags.

7) Asking a woman if you are the best she ever had is pointless. We will lie to avoid hurting your feelings. You will never know if you are the biggest, the best or last the longest.

Written by Caterina Christakos, published author and dating coach. For your free Seduction mini course go to http://www.what-women-want.com.

Passion Ode

How To Keep The Passion Aflame

The honeymoon is over. Maybe you’ve been together a few months, a few years, or even a lot of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will fade and you’ll start looking for ways to reignite them.

You’re in luck, then, because that’s exactly what this article is about!

1. Have Fun Together

Remember the fun times you had when you first started dating? You laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company. There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Think about some of these options:

* Collect cartoons or jokes that your spouse will enjoy
* Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon
* Do something unexpected to surprise your spouse
* Do a puzzle together
* Make popcorn and watch a favorite movie

2. Be Romantic

What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other? Jump start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities that generated warm feelings. Maybe you used to:

* Eat dinner by candlelight
* Hide a love note in your spouse’s lunch
* Build a fire and relax in front of it
* Take walk in the moonlight

3. Go Back To Dating

One way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. Add to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking then plans the date. To make it more challenging, set a budget limit for the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan a date for $30 or less.

Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first getting acquainted. Men, open the car door for your lady. Women, put on a special dress and flirt with your gentleman.

4. Do The Little Things

The day to day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important then ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that your spouse will really appreciate. You could:

* Make a point to give your spouse a hug and a kiss each morning before you leave and each evening when you get home
* Remember to say please and thank you
* Pick the chore your spouse dislikes the most, and do it for him or her without being asked
* Say “I love you” often, not just when you think it’s expected

5. Be Physical

We’re not just talking about sex. Being physical means touching her arm, holding his hand, offering a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day. And when the two of you do move towards having sex, don’t just turn out the lights and get on with it every time. Seduce each other a bit, light some candles and take a bubble bath together. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing the same way every time gets boring so spice things up a bit and you’ll be amazed at what will happen.

Author, Joe Markus. Adam and Drew's Dating Tips has a large variety of free articles that have been written by consulting 'experts' in the dating, flirting and relationship fields. Find out more at http://www.adamanddrew.com.

Blind Dating Poem

Blind Date Secrets - 5 Tips To Ensure You Both Have A Great Time

So you’re going on a blind date. Few dating scenarios are as nerve wracking, and you’ve probably heard lots of horror stories about miserable blind dates. Your blind date doesn’t have to be a disaster, though, if you follow a few simple suggestions to help it be more successful.

Prepare Yourself

Communication experts say that we commonly form an impression of someone new within the first four minutes of meeting them. The first impression you make will set the stage for the entire blind date so prepare in advance to make a good one. Choose clothes that are appropriate for the date, not too revealing or strange. Get a fresh haircut, trim your fingernails, and shine your shoes if needed. On the day of date itself, allow plenty of time to get ready and allow extra travel time to wherever the two of you are meeting.

Where To Go And What To Do

Plan the date for a neutral location, preferably one where there will be a number of other people. When you don’t know the other person it’s not safe to meet in private, plus if you’re in a fairly active location it’s easier to disengage yourself from the date if necessary.

Most dating experts recommend that a blind date not be centered on a meal. If the date isn’t going well and you’re having dinner, you have to stick it out longer than if you’re meeting for coffee. There’s also the cost factor to consider. If either person is investing a lot of money in the date activity that puts more intense pressure on both people.

The First Meeting

Arrive a little early, make sure you’re neatly dressed, and step forward with a polite greeting and hand shake. Remember to smile and be friendly, even if you feel nervous. If you’re a man, open doors, hang up her coat, and pull out her chair if you’re sitting down. If you’re a woman and your date does these things for you, say thank you and enjoy being treated with good manners.

Making Conversation

Getting the conversation started and keeping it going is important to the success of your date. Remember those experts who said a first impression is formed in less than four minutes? They also tell us that communication is based on much more than just words. In fact, when you’re talking with your date the words you use only account for 7% of the total communication occurring. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% of your message and body language accounts for the remaining 55%.

Ending The Date

When the date comes to an end, thank the other person and say something general like “I enjoyed meeting you.” If things went really well then you can indicate if you’d like to date him or her again. If things didn’t go so well then don’t say you’ll call, or that maybe you could get together again sometime. This will create a false impression in the other person and simply avoids the truth.

If you don’t want to see the other person again, it’s okay to say so politely. Saying something like “I think we don’t have a lot in common” is much kinder than saying “I’ll call you” and then not calling. Always be kind, though, and make every effort to spare his or her feelings as much as possible.

Author, Joe Markus. Adam and Drew's Dating Tips has a large variety of free articles that have been written by consulting 'experts' in the dating, flirting and relationship fields. Find out more at http://www.adamanddrew.com.

Wife Seeking Serenade

Fifteen Ways To Find A Wife

A fishing licence gives the holder the right to try to catch fish, equally a marriage licence gives the holders the right to suck it and see. To find the correct person to live with for the rest of your life can be a daunting task. Not only are you attempting to find your soul mate, but also probably the mother of your children. Fortunately the pressure on Henry V111 was far greater, he had six goes at getting it right. There's a difference in the way that single girls and bachelors choose their future partners. The girl might have a dozen boyfriends, none of whom seems to be like another or anything like the sort of fellow she eventually ends up marrying. But the young bachelor is inclined to select all his lady friends, including his wife, for their similar qualities, statistically he tends not to deviate from his perceived pattern.

1. Borrow A Kid

Women are suckers for men who appear to be good with children. Borrow a niece or nephew for the afternoon, and take them to the zoo or another suitable childish activity. If the child is still in diapers ask a woman you fancy to change them. However never take out a child you do not know well or one with whom you have not had time to build a rapport with.

2. Take Up Dancing Classes . As they say it takes "Two to tango", get out and learn to dance. It is not important what type of dancing you choose you will meet other women.

3. Borrow A Dog.

If you don't have a dog, borrow one and take it to your local park, or beach. Empathy with animals bring people together.

4. Go To A Wine Tasting Club

Telephone your local vitner, and see when he is next going to have a wine tasting, and relax and have a drink, and meet new friends.

5. Join A Self Help Group.

A great one is a self help group for one parent families. Of course this is only going to work if you have children already.

6. Join A Charitable Organisiation.

Nearly everyone has some sort of a charity near them, go to the library and ask them for a list of charities in your area. Then find one you have an interest in and phone them, and see if they need any volunteers. More women than men volunteer there time, and you will appear a caring person for giving up some time.

7. Join The Sierra Club

The Sierra Club is a conservation organisation. Whilst it is mainly in Canada and the U.S.A., it does hold International events. It has a "singles" section on it's homepage

8. Get To Know Yourself

Write a 1500 word essay on the type of person you are and how you got to be where you are. Write about three hundred pages of yourimage of a dream woman. Describe her physically, and see if there is a pattern. Do you like the great outdoors, and want a healthy fit woman, then go and join a Local walking group. If you want to listen to Opera, then join an operatic society.

9. Network

Widen your circle of friend, strike up conversations with strangers, and improve your circle of friends. You don't even have to talk with women here, make new male friends and you never know who will introduce you to your next girlfriend. It might be a grandmother introducing you to her granddaughter. The more you collect people the wider your circle of friends and interests will get.

10. Get To Know What Makes A Woman Tick.

Strike up conversations with women, and get to know what they are thinking. Women are always suckers for men who make them feel valued. This is one of the best tips I can give you.

11. Join An Aerobic or Yoga Class

The vast majority of the members' will be women. Get fit and have a laugh at the same time.

12. Take a Singles Cruise.

Women are much more into single cruises than men, so the chances are that you will definitely be outnumbered.

13. Go To The make Up Counter Od A Big Store . Women buy make up all the time, now I am not suggesting you start to wear mascara, but go and but a present for your mother/sister. Even if you have not got family then go and ask a woman you are interested in what would be her idea of a perfect gift for your fictitious sister.

14. Evening Classes

Go to your local adult centre for education and ask which classes are heavily subscribed with women. Yes I am aware that you are not going to be interested in finding ten ways to arrange a rose bowl, but their just might be something that grabs your eye.

15. Internet Personals

Find yourself a dating site or even better two, and register your profile. A great tip here is that if you pay for a year up front, then it can substantially reduce you costs.

Author, Roy Barker. More detailed information and recommended guides on finding that girl or wife can be found at http://www.datingxlence.com a site renowned for it's reviews on the top dating sites and only after they have screened out the others. These are accurately categorised for your ease of use. It's a free service.

Secret Love Preparation Serenade

Secrets To Get To The Heart Of Your Loved One

The other day, I was home with my sweet love when my sister called. She was in a bad mood because she was babysitting my cat (I was out of town) and my cat had made a mess in her sofa. I was sorry that happened. I went in the bedroom to think it over in silence.

After a while, my sweet love joined me and the first thing he said was:

"I can see this situation seems to bother you, isn’t it?"

In that moment, I thought he was the greatest boyfriend ever. I felt understood and comforted. I was in a better disposition to be the best partner that I could be for him. Then I realized that he was talking the same language of love as mine. I am a Visual and I understand better when we communicate with me in visual ways. He used the words "see" and "seems". I am certain that the Auditory and Feeling people out there don’t really get it but, Visuals out there might better understand how I must have felt.

Having the same communication style or using the communication style that your partner is using greatly avoids missed connections, unnecessary challenges and increase intimacy by reducing the events of resentment. Passion starts to fade away when there is build up resentments. Communicating the right way is one of the tools to keep lasting romance.

There are 3 types of Love Language; according to the author, Tracy Cabot (How to make a man fall in love with you), you have the Visual, the Auditory and the Feeling style. We use all of those 3 ways to communication but one is predominant.

How can we identify the styles?

Visual expresses enthusiasm or stress similar to those comments: "Don’t you SEE how this is amazing?!" or "You’ll SEE. You’ll love it" or "You don’t LOOK in a great shape today". An Auditory will say "This SOUNDS good" when a Feeling will say "This FEELS good. I have the IMPRESSION that will work" or "I know how you FEEL" or "I understand…"

With Visual, it’s the look that counts. They usually are well dressed. They take care of their appearance. They relax in a beautiful, well harmonized environment. Things have to be in order around them. They look for partners who take care of their looks too. When visual think, their eyes look up in the air because they are "visualizing" what they will say or the situation in their mind. They will tell you "how things looked". They don’t talk about their feelings early in the relationship because they need to "see" where the relationship is leading first. They like to watch television, read, arts, landscaping, etc… anything that stimulates their eyes.

An Auditory are very sensitive the sounds around them. They always have music at home or in their car. They talk a lot because they like to "hear" themselves talk. They are easily distracted by noise. They adore being talked softly in the ear. The quality of the voice of their partner can be a true turn on or a definitive turn off. An Auditory will look on the side when they think because they have to hear the voice in their head. Auditory will tell you "how things sounds". Auditory will have the latest stereo system in town, they prefer going to concerts, they like to talk on the phone and they have a special talent for music.

A Feeling person reacts on intuitions and their guts. They are willing to sacrifice elegance for comfort (no high heels for women and tight collar shirt for men). They want to feel great at all times and in every situation. They look for partners who are great at sharing feelings. They are perceived as people with a great heart. Women are easily seduced by Feeling Men because they have the ability to express their sensitive side and are great listeners, so common to women’s needs.

Feeling people like to touch, to kiss and they greatly need a constant physical expression from their partner. Feeling people look down when they think because they need to get the "impression". Feeling people will tell you "how things felt". They like to relax lye in the sun, work out, massage, drink, and dance, and eat great foods. They will most likely do risky activities because of the rush of extreme sensations. They are looking for trills.

If you are with a partner that has the same communication style as yours, enjoy yourselves. If you have two different communication styles, don’t conclude that you are not made for one another and it’s maybe time to see a counselor (a therapist or… a lawyer!). This article will give you more tools to help communication at the maximum and get a deeper connection with your mate or future mate.

How can we capture the heart of a Visual, an Auditory or a Feeling person?

With Visuals, you need to use visual terms; from my "perspective", I can "see" what you mean, the more I "look" into this, the more it "seems" nice, I "observed" how wonderful you are with kids, etc…

Visual need to be stimulated with what they see; always have a neat house, with harmonized colors, be dressed elegantly in every situation (wearing jeans can be elegant with a nice matching color and style top). Be sexy. For lovemaking, always have a little light, or candle, because it turns them on to see their partner enjoying sex. Look in the eyes show them that you care for them and you are attentive. Visuals like to make scenarios.

They usually don’t rush in the lovemaking because they need to admire first. They need to "see" it. Also, they don’t communicate in words their feelings. They show them instead. Be sensitive to their generosity. Don’t share your feelings too early in the relationship. Show them instead how you feel and how you are. They’ll get the picture.

Auditory will be worried about the noise in the house. Quietness and great music atmosphere sure gets them to come around often. Use a soft voice when speaking to them even when you are fighting. You will need to speak in sound language; your voice "turns" me on, that has a negative "ring", "tell me, what do you think? I’m "listening", this sounds "wonderful", the "rhythm" is perfect, etc.. Think verbal reassurance. Looking in the eye won’t have the same effect. Auditory often ask if you love them. For lovemaking, use a sensual sweet "radio voice" in their ear.

Describe how you feel during the heat of the passion. Sounds of lovemaking will have a powerful effect on them. They usually don’t notice the new dress or new haircut that you just had, but they will gladly listen on how you got that new dress or new haircut, as long as they are in an environment that allows listening. They are really interested in who you are. Not on how you look. They are the best listeners.

With a Feeling person, use feelings word; that "feels" good, I’d hate to "disappoint you", I don’t really "connect" with that person, I can’t wait to "touch" you, I "feel" that we are going somewhere, let me give you a "massage", etc...They can be perceived a passionate people because they express their feelings so much. They need to know how you feel, very early in the relationship. They expect to be touched by their partner a lot and they do the same.

They often complain about insensitivity of their partners. Play with their hair while you talk to them, in the car, while you are driving, keep one hand on the leg, take walks and hold hands, wear satin underwear, make hot bath, etc...Feeling people can make lovemaking in any situation because they need the touch only. They are not necessarily the neat one or the most elegant either, but they will truly appreciate the complete you.

Pay attention of the dominant type of you and your partner’s. Practice the appropriate communication style until it becomes natural. Reducing challenges in a relationship increases the chances of lasting romance. Now, you have a way to capture the heart of anyone that you want, if you are single, and you can re-ignite the fire if you are in an unsatisfying relationship and get what you and your partner wants, because the connection will be deeper. I am a strong believer of ''say anything that you want'' to your partner. But, there are ways of saying things. You just learned on how to make yourself heard and understood properly and receive your partner's needs and caring expressions right.

Believe me. You’ll see the difference ;-)

Who is Caroline? She is a growing expert on love, relationship, romance because she is reading a lot on the subject. She is presently in a fulfilling relationship and she is gladly sharing her knowledge and experience. To continue receiving tips on how to get the love life that you want, you can subscribe free to her newsletter at http://www.everydaybetterliving.com.

Jumping Bones Verse

Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?

Men and women can't really be just friends, can they? Of course not. There’s always that pesky sexual tension to contend with. And what about the spouse, spousal equivalent, or boyfriend/girlfriend who’s sure to be jealous? Plus, there’s the biological/sociological nesting imperative that women contend with and the hunting imperative that seems to drive men.

A number of years ago, a landmark study published by Dr. Don O'Meara, a sociology professor at Raymond Walters College, identified the following four key obstacles to the success of male-female friendships

* The inability to define the relationship
* A fear of confronting feelings of sexual attraction
* The inability of both partners to see each other as equals
* Society’s response to a non-romantic relationship

(This is all of the above rolled into one: What’s going on here? Who do they think they are? They just won’t admit that they’re hot for each other!)

Let’s face it, when you come right down to it – there are just too many impediments and too many inherent differences between the sexes for cross-gender friendship to work. Right?

Wrong, wrong, and double-wrong – at least in today’s world.

Fifty years ago, when Harry met Sally, he was a breadwinner who worked outside the home and she was a stay-at-home mom (or stay-at-home spinster). Harry and Sally had very little in common and very few opportunities to explore their commonality. Their paths never crossed except at a church social, perhaps, or in situations that were specifically created to foster romance and, by extension, procreation and the continuation of the species. (Not the stuff sonnets are made of, perhaps, but good for society.)

That was then. This is now.

21st Century men and women follow their passions inside and outside the home and stand shoulder to shoulder as equals in most situations. In 2002, Harry and Sally work side by side at the office. They argue head-to-head at the boardroom table. They run hip to hip on the jogging trail. They may not see eye to eye on every issue, but they freely debate them in Internet chatrooms.

So today, not only do Harry and Sally have a solid foundation of shared interests on which to build a real friendship, they also have time and space to pursue a cross-gender friendship and a society that encourages them to do so. In fact, experts tell us that in today’s world, men and women in platonic friendships enjoy dozens and dozens of benefits from their relationships.

Interestingly, men seem to get more out of cross-sex friendship. In a study by a psychologist in private practice on Long Island in New York State, men rated cross-sex friendships higher in overall quality than their same-sex friendships. Men reported they most enjoyed talking and sharing with women - something they didn’t do with male friends.

All that sharing that men find so appealing – organic though it may be to women -- can be a bit of a drain, so les femmes say they turn to les hommes for a different dynamic. With men, women say they enjoy the lightness of not having to carry someone else’s emotional ‘baggage.’ Women may also derive a sense of safety and protection from their male platonic friends – much as they might from a big brother. Interestingly, women say the chance to learn ‘what guys are REALLY thinking” is the number 1 benefit of cross-gender friendship.

So does Harry WANT Sally? You bet. But if he can’t have her ‘that way,’ friendship will do quite nicely, thank you!

Author, Michael Ferrell, is the owner and operator of http://perfectloveletters.com - Discover How YOU Can Quickly & Easily Create A Love Letter To Express Your Love & Devotion In Only 3Ѕ Minutes Without Writing!

Sex or Love Ode

Having Sex or Making Love

Actually, the difference between the two concepts is bigger than some of us would like it to be. And, as almost every time, women feel it the most. What is the difference? Well, love. Women need to be protected, looked after and loved as much in bed as in every day life.

Keep in mind that this is not just a legend used by women to manipulate men. The difference between having sex and making love, together with it's implications in a couple's sex life is what many men forget when sharing the bed-sheets with a woman.

Clearly, everything written so far will not apply to one-night-stands. In those cases it is all about a sexual intercourse between two people who only share their bodies. After the bottom line has been drawn, most men feel good about themselves after a one-night- stand, without thinking about their sexual performance. Totally pleasing a woman from the very first time is no easy job as the only mystery she had disclosed is her body.

Yet, most men are attracted to one-night-stands or, with other words, to having sex. The lack of commitment needed and the easy attaining of the main goal: feeling good, are just two reasons pleading in favor of having sex.

On the other hand there is so much more between a man and a woman making love. There are feelings and emotions, leading to a totally different connection between the two of them. More than that, for women, one of the most important things during sex is the environment. And this means everything from location to those few candles some like to place around the bed.

Let's take them in turn a little bit. If you want to leave her smiling and begging for a cigarette and some more there are some things you might like to take into consideration.

Trying dad's old car's rear suspension will make the car happier than her. The ideal location would certainly be a bed in a nice and cozy room with nothing interfering with the moment. Someone knocking on the door or even a ringing phone can have very undesirable effects. Some candle-like lights and easy-listening music in the background adds even more to the overall foreplay.

Explore every inch of her body and draw imaginary contours with your fingers and tongue, kiss her neck, breasts, belly and legs, all in a specific order surrounding the most important area and closing in at the same time. All this will increase the tension and when that moment comes both you and her will feel the difference.

Communication is essential for great results. Men must pay attention to the unspoken signs every woman gives them. Ignoring these signs will make women feel used. The old legend that says that when a woman says "no" she actually means "yes" is nothing more than a poor excuse so keep your ears open for her desires.

If all goes well, you might be given the supreme sexual command and that's "don't stop!" When you hear that, whatever you do, DON'T STOP!

Caterina Christakos is a dating coach and published author. For even more in depth dating tips go to http://www.seduction-hypnosis.com.


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