Spouse Apology Opus

Write An Apology To Your Spouse: How to Apologize In a Way That Really Works For You

Being apologetic doesn’t come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate and self-centered does. So I realized long ago that my marital survival would depend on two things: 1) learning to apologize and 2) becoming less selfish and more considerate.

It was easier to start with apologies. Over time I got better and better at learning how to apologize. I was amazed at the effect.

First, it was the basic mumbling of, “I’m sorry.” Those two words were remarkable in healing bruised feelings. It was as if I had a license to do what I wanted-- as long as I looked sincere and said, “I’m sorry.” It was like having a “Get out of jail free” Monopoly card.

When my apology failed to produce the desired results, I spruced it up. I would put my apology in a tuxedo, and my wife would be so grateful that I would get another reprieve.

Given my personality, I had lots of opportunity to practice making apologies. Ultimately I created a formula. It’s for the bigger offenses or for smaller offenses that you have repeated so often they’ve created a lot of tension with your spouse.

Five Step Formula For a Really Good Apology

1. Describe your offense. This is necessary so your partner knows exactly what you’re apologizing for.

2. Describe what you think is the effect on your partner. This display of empathy is comforting to the other person.

3. Describe why you did what you did. This reassures your spouse that you’re on top of the problem and reduces their need to nag you about it.

4. Describe why you’re interested in changing the offensive behavior. This demonstrates an understanding of the big picture that as couple you’re a team.

5. Describe a self imposed penalty for not changing. This one is the clincher. Think of an appropriate penalty for your offensive behavior, and tell it to your spouse. Tell them that if you don’t change you will impose the penalty on yourself. This reassures them that you mean business.

I encourage people to write their apology. Writing it out first or writing it and then giving it to your mate has several advantages:

1. You can collect and refine your thoughts. It is very difficult to think through an apology on the fly, especially if your angry partner is on the offensive.

2. You will be heard all the way through. Nobody will interrupt and start yelling at a spouse when they are reading an apology.

3. You avoid the hostile questions that often interrupt you when you start speaking the apology. These negative questions have the nasty effect of derailing your good intentions and then you just have another argument which demands another apology.

4. You avoid the raised eyebrows and squinting eyes during the apology which just derail you again. (See the last sentence in number 3.)

5. It looks like you have given this some serious thought (which might even be true).

6. You don’t have to sleep on the couch tonight.

Putting It All Together

1. Honey, I’ve been thinking about your comments that I don’t follow through consistently when I say I’ll do something. I apologize for that.

2. Being inconsistent means you can never be sure whether I will follow through or not. I imagine it keeps you on edge and wondering if you should “remind” me or not. If you don’t speak up you run the risk that I won’t follow through and then it is too late to take corrective action. If you do speak up, you run the risk of coming across like a nag.

3. I hate to admit it, but when I agree to something, sometimes it’s just to get you off my back. I think, “well, I’ll do it if I get time.” But if it’s something I really don’t want to do, often I simply don’t make the time. I’m also unreliable when my priorities collide with yours--and my priorities too often prevail. This means I really haven’t thought much about us being a true team where we can each count on the other to follow through.

4. I actually have some interest in improving my reliability. I would feel more aligned with my higher intentions about being a good partner, and we could probably have more fun together.

5. Finally, I want you to get off my back as a policeman to make sure I follow through. Both of us will feel better about that. So when I don’t follow through or give you a timely warning (stuff does happen) then I will work on cleaning the garage the following weekend for at least two hours every time I blow it.

Our book, “Tell Me No Lies,” includes some helpful insights about apologies. For more information or to order, visit The Couples Institute.

May all your apologies be little ones.

Written by Dr. Peter Pearson. Since 1984, The Couples Institute has helped people create extraordinary relationships. They'd like to help you and your partner overcome your problems and evolve as a team. Visit www.couplesinstitute.com to subscribe to their free newsletter.

Catching Lover Ode

7 Proven Ways You Can Catch a Cheating Lover

If an outsider attacked your lover, would you stop him? Would you defend yourself and your spouse against an attack?

A cheating lover who breaks a promise to be faithful is literally attacking your relationship. If you suspect this is happening, you owe it to your love to defend it. Otherwise you will either never really be able to trust your mate, or you won't even realize that you've been a sap until your partner walks out the door...forever.

If you're worried that your mate is cheating, keep your head together and start collecting evidence. Whatever you do, don't let your partner know you suspect until you have some good, solid facts to back up your suspicions. A cheating lover, backed into a corner, usually finds an excuse to leave the relationship precipitously. And a faithful lover does not need to ever know there was suspicion.

Here are seven proven, tried-and-true ways you can catch a cheating lover:

1) The single biggest tip-off is in sudden behavior changes that continue sporadically. A work routine that has changed, such as staying late at the office or long lunches could be a tell-tale clue. Call him, just to see if he's there. Even drop in on him, once you suspect him, at the office, bringing some cookies or a present for an excuse.

2) Does she pick on you, looking for things to criticize? This may mean she's building a case to justify leaving the relationship for good. Does she create a fight then leave the house in a huff and stay away for hours? Warning!

3) Are there changes in his appearance? Does he take more interest in it, dressing better and being more careful with grooming in general? Has his style of dress gone from conservative to, say, Mobster Mannequin or Lounge Lizard? Time to open your eyes... and keep them open.

4) Does she seem to suddenly get a lot of cell phone calls she avoids taking in your presence? It's probably the other man.

5) Is he suddenly going out with his male friends, supposedly? Ask him where he's going, and go there to check. But be surreptitious; stay in the shadows!

6) These days, there are lots of high-tech gadgets and methods for capturing an adulterer. You can actually track every keystroke in a computer, for example, every call on a cell phone... and you can do these things without a trace. Installing spy-cams is an option, or hiring a private detective.

7) Have you noticed an abrupt and lasting change in your sex life? Is he holding out on you physically? Do you find his excuses downright lame? This is red-flag time.

A monogamous relationship is a serious commitment and accusing a partner of adultery is a serious charge. An open mind, balance and neutrality are the watchwords.

Now. Memorize this article and fight back for your relationship... the smart way.

Written by W. Aris. Learn the fool-proof technique to catch a cheating spouse at http://www.cheating-lovers.com.

Anti Cheating Ode

5 Things You Shouldn't Do If He's Cheating on You

This may be the most important article you’ll read about dealing with your husband’s affair. There’s plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn’t do.

Your husband is cheating. You’re not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let’s focus first on what you SHOULDN’T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.

This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let’s look at 5 key things you SHOULDN’T do and examine the reasons why.

1. Don’t put him out or leave him - yet.

Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it’s the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you’ll be hard-pressed to know what he’s doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you’re still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There’s a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband’s activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he’s still there, you have a chance to work things out.

2. Don’t tell the whole world about his infidelity.

It’s natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband’s affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the “other woman.” Make sure you’re confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband’s affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they’re in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband’s friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren’t the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they’ve been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband’s affair.

3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend it’s not happening.

Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it’s not happening will make him think he’s getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.

4. Don’t confront him without the 3 P’s – Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.

Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he’s cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it’s been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you’ll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he’s been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there’s a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs” will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book.

5. Don’t waste your time and energy on the other woman.

One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don’t obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She’s not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. You’ll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.

Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband’s affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you’re going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.

Written by Ruth Houston is the author of “Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs.” To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.ishecheatingonyou.com.

Vacation Kidding :-) Poem

Vacation In Comfort With Kids

It takes a special person to travel with kids – a parent. Children have their own needs. Their idea of a vacation is more "adventurous" than a parent's. They need constant stimulation and they can get as tired as they are tiring.

There are many top ten type lists of tips for traveling with children: how to ensure they eat well and drink enough, how to dress them for weather variances, how to provide the stimulation they need, how to make sure they don't drive off with the family car and leave you stranded in the Mojave Desert, etc.

This list is how to travel in comfort – without tying the children to the roof rack -- which hopefully will reduce your stress.

Make sure you have plenty of room while traveling.

This is easier said than done. On a plane, everybody is cramped. On a train, everybody is cramped, although a little less so. On a bicycle... don't even try it.

If you are driving, get a mini-van. Sure, you might be more of a "car" type, and you might have resisted buying a mini-van so far. But pick up a rental van for the vacation just to give the kids a little more room for fighting. (Make sure it has a roof rack, just in case.)

Reality check: Cram enough people into a tiny space and watch everybody get stressed and enraged. See my humorous but true article on hippo rage: http://www.thehappyguy.com/hippo-rage.html .

Accommodations along the way can be tricky. Usually it involves a cramped motel for just long enough to sleep, then back in the cramped car (or somewhat cramped mini-van). This is not anybody's idea of a home away from home.

An accommodation alternative is to camp. When not sleeping, you have all the space in the world (unless you have to huddle under the tarp while the storm passes through). I love camping, but not everyone enjoys a good early morning wake-up wrestle with a grizzly as much as I do, so a motel might be required.

Make sure you have plenty of room when you "get there".

My childhood vacations, often involved wandering around lost. Assuming you are actually heading for a destination, make sure to have lots of room when you get there. This part is easy. But it requires thinking outside the box. Forget hotels, motels, and inns. Look for private rental homes.

Probably the biggest destination for families is Walt Disney World in Florida. Good news – Orlando, Kissimmee and the surrounding area is just teeming with private vacation homes for rent. In Florida they call them vacation villas, and they offer all the space of home (without having to fix a leaky sink or oil the door hinges or mow the lawn.) Here are some examples of vacation home rentals in the Disney area: http://www.lastminutevillas.net/Disney-vacation.html.

Sharon Baillie is a private villa owner in the Kissimmee area outside Orlando, just a few miles from Disney World. "Our guests enjoy the spaciousness of our 6-bedroom home ( http://www.lastminutevillas.net/new5beda1pg1.html ). They love the private pool and the private yard in which they can relax," she says. "Parents love the space for children to run around outside, and we leave a box of toys in the garage. So while the parents rest, the children play – and let their parents rest!"

Be prepared for "children being children" events.

Sometimes, stress hits you from behind when the unexpected happens. Like a cut or a scrape ... or a child getting sick. Sharon Baillie told me that is why she tells all her villa rental guests where the first aid kit can be found, and exactly where to go for medical attention. This is particularly helpful for her many guests from abroad who are unfamiliar with the US healthcare system.

She also makes sure her guests are informed about local pollen and viruses in Florida, so that parents can be prepared. Stress is so much more enjoyable when you are prepared for it, don't you think?

Booking tickets to theme parks and making reservations for just about everything in advance, makes the trip less stressful. There is little more difficult than managing young children while trying to get into a theme park or show that requires prior booking.

And to prevent wandering around lost, pick up a AAA Triptik in advance – not that it ever helped us.

Try having your children baby-sat. This might mean bringing along a nanny, such as a grand parent (It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.). The car might be more crowded, but if you've rented a spacious home for the week, it could just be doable. The other option is to hire a local baby-sitter once or twice. Vacation Home owners can set this up for you, and some hotels might be willing to, too.

When you are single, you can go on adventure vacations. When you are a parent, you get vacation adventures. Here are three of mine: http://www.thehappyguy.com/family-vacation-adventure.html

So there you have it. Three ways to reduce the stress of traveling with kids, so you can actually relax on vacation. After all, isn't that what vacations are supposed to be about?

Written by David Leonhardt, freelance writer, and an online and offline publicity specialist. Contact him at: mailto:info@thehappyguy.com or visit his website at http://www.thehappyguy.com. For Florida vacation villa rentals: http://www.lastminutevillas.net. For Orlando vacation home rentals: http://www.orlandovillaowners.com.

Parental Software Controlling Opus

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them

Did you know

* 1 out of 5 kids has been sexually solicited online
* 1 out of 4 kids has been sent a picture of naked people or people having sex online
* that May 21, 2002 there was the first death of a child linked directly to an Internet Predator?

Parents' biggest concern about the Internet used to be pornography, but there is definitely a greater fear today.

You have probably taught your child not to talk to strangers, and in many situations, they would remember this. But the Internet is different.

Due to the Internet's anonymity, strangers are talking to children all the time. They try to gain the child's trust by having friendly conversation at first, but over time, their true objective of sexually soliciting the child becomes evident. Children and parents alike are unaware of this, yet this is exactly what is going on via the Internet.

What can today's parent do? Armed with information, there's quite a bit a parent can do.

Software4Parents.com's Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

1. Tell your child to NEVER EVER reveal their name, address, phone number or any other personal information to ANYONE online. Once you give out this information, it is impossible to retract.

2. Communicate regularly (not just once) with your child about WHAT they do online and WHO they talk to online. If you have actually met the friends they are talking to in person, you'll know it is OK for them to chat with them online.

3. Take computers out of kids' rooms and put them into public areas such as the family room. Many parents think they are helping with homework by giving the kids a computer, but it also opens certain dangers that you may be unaware of.

4. Choose your child's screen name, email address or instant message name wisely - don't' reveal ages, sex, hobbies, and CERTAINLY NOT suggestive or sexy names. Predators are more likely to pursue a child with the screen name "foxyteen15" than "happygirl5"

5. Use technology to help you protect your child. Monitoring software gives you the ability to review your child's Internet usage. Even if you don't look at each and every email or instant message they send, you'll have a good idea if they are making smart choices online.

The Internet can open many doors and provide useful information for children. An aware and informed parent can help keep children safe.

Author, Joshua Finer, Internet Safety expert and CEO of Software4Parents.com. For free information on choosing the right Internet safety product for your family visit http://www.software4parents.com/choosing.html.

Passion Ode

How To Keep The Passion Aflame

The honeymoon is over. Maybe you’ve been together a few months, a few years, or even a lot of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will fade and you’ll start looking for ways to reignite them.

You’re in luck, then, because that’s exactly what this article is about!

1. Have Fun Together

Remember the fun times you had when you first started dating? You laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company. There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Think about some of these options:

* Collect cartoons or jokes that your spouse will enjoy
* Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon
* Do something unexpected to surprise your spouse
* Do a puzzle together
* Make popcorn and watch a favorite movie

2. Be Romantic

What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other? Jump start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities that generated warm feelings. Maybe you used to:

* Eat dinner by candlelight
* Hide a love note in your spouse’s lunch
* Build a fire and relax in front of it
* Take walk in the moonlight

3. Go Back To Dating

One way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. Add to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking then plans the date. To make it more challenging, set a budget limit for the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan a date for $30 or less.

Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first getting acquainted. Men, open the car door for your lady. Women, put on a special dress and flirt with your gentleman.

4. Do The Little Things

The day to day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important then ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that your spouse will really appreciate. You could:

* Make a point to give your spouse a hug and a kiss each morning before you leave and each evening when you get home
* Remember to say please and thank you
* Pick the chore your spouse dislikes the most, and do it for him or her without being asked
* Say “I love you” often, not just when you think it’s expected

5. Be Physical

We’re not just talking about sex. Being physical means touching her arm, holding his hand, offering a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day. And when the two of you do move towards having sex, don’t just turn out the lights and get on with it every time. Seduce each other a bit, light some candles and take a bubble bath together. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing the same way every time gets boring so spice things up a bit and you’ll be amazed at what will happen.

Author, Joe Markus. Adam and Drew's Dating Tips has a large variety of free articles that have been written by consulting 'experts' in the dating, flirting and relationship fields. Find out more at http://www.adamanddrew.com.

Birthday Serenade

Birthday Party Fun: Goodie Bag Alternatives

If you’re looking for alternatives to pricey goodie bags, here are a few ideas that will make your guests--and wallet--happy.

Any Fun Party:

Take Polaroid photos of each guest with the birthday child, and decorate cardboard picture frames, or make frames with popsicle sticks.

Hawaiian Party:

Decorate inexpensive plastic sunglasses with artificial flowers. String together more artificial flowers for one-of- a-kind leis.

Royal Party:

Decorate paper crowns and make scepters from wooden dowels and plastic jewels.

Sleepover Party:

Decorate plastic light switch covers with stickers. Allow your young guests to embellish white pillowcases with fabric paints for a take-home sleepy surprise.

Spring or Garden Party:

Paint flower pots and include a pack of flower seeds for children to grow at home.

Survivor Party:

Send the children on a scavenger hunt equipped with compasses and trail mixes that they can make before the hunt. The compass will become a new favorite gadget, and the trail mix is a lot healthier that candy treats.

Tea Party:

Let the girls decorate straw hats with artificial flowers, which they can wear for the party, and later take home. Complete the party with candy necklaces.

Have fun!

Written by Deborah Shelton, the author of "The Five Minute Parent: Fun & Fast Activities for You and Your Little Ones." Visit Deborah's website for more family-friendly ideas: http://www.fiveminuteparent.com.

Women Working Poem

Tips For A Working Woman

With a more liberated society, it is no longer uncommon for women to hold full-time jobs. The glass ceiling that has been a barrier for women in the area of wages are showing clear cracks. Even in the area of management strategy, some of the best thinkers are women academics.

However, working women still have to grapple with the multi-roles that they play – these are traditional expectations of society. An example is in the area of looking after the welfare of their young children and domestic upkeep.

This article will provide tips for working women with a young family and without a full-time domestic help:

Communicate With Your Husband:

It is important that you communicate with your husband about sharing household and domestic chores. This should not be a difficult process as your income also helps pay the bills and your husband must be a team player. A high priority should be the area of the children’s well-being and study supervision.

Time Management:

Time management is an under-rated virtue. You should draw up a weekly chart to manage your time. This weekly chart must be realistic and take into account your children’s tests, extra-curricular activities, household shopping needs. Remember to get the active involvement of your husband.

Getting External Help:

If you and your husband have busy schedules, it is also good to source out for part-time external help to assist in the cleaning and cooking. Alternatively, you can seek the help of your parents to supervise the welfare of the children or register your children to a nearby student care centre. However, it must be remembered that no amount of external help can substitute for quality time with your children. Try to set aside at least the weekends to spend undisturbed time with your family.

Concentrating At Work:

Since you are working for a company, you must ensure that your full concentration should be on your work. Do not use company time to handle domestic administration unless it is of utmost importance. You are also entitled to take emergency time-off if needed so it is crucial that you keep your superiors informed.

Working Long Hours:

It is not uncommon to work long hours, as workers are sometimes required to multi-task. It is important for you to strike a balance and important to inform your husband about your late hours so that your children are not neglected after their normal school hours. You can also request to finish some of your work at home if it requires computer processing. Most families have at least a computer desktop at home.

Interaction with Male Colleagues:

If the nature of your job requires constant interaction with male colleagues after working hours, it is good practice to inform your husband. You can easily send an SMS to him to inform your whereabouts and he can arrange to fetch you home.

Attendance of Official Functions:

Inform your husband in advance if you are required to attend an official function – Office D & D etc. This will allow your husband to get to know your working colleagues and fully appreciate your job responsibilities. Your husband will also be more cooperative if you are required to work beyond the normal hours.

Further Studies – The Dilemma:

Being a workingwoman, you have to consider about upgrading your skills. This may require pursuing further studies after working hours. Yet again, you should express your decision to study with your husband and loved ones so that logistical/financial arrangements can be arranged in advance.

Author, Colin Ong TS, is the Founder of 12n Online Community and and MR=MC Consulting at http://www.mrmc.com.sg/12n.

Moms Scholarship Opus

Scholarships For Single Mothers

Are you a single mother in debt trying to make your way through school hoping to attain a better education so you can support your family? If so you should consider applying for a scholarship.

What is a scholarship?

A scholarship is a grant of financial aid awarded to a student, as for the purpose of attending a college.

Scholarships are beneficial because it allows a student to cover all or a fraction of his/her college expenditures without having to pay the money back. The majority of scholarships come from federal funds, with the remaining balance coming from private organizations. As a student takes a step forward in his/her education and chooses a career path, more opportunities will become accessible. Scholarships can be based on: region, academic performance, religious affiliation, sports, ethnic background, military status, intended major.

Where to find out more information on scholarships

As a single mother it's always best to investigate on known avenues, such as State Department for Higher Education for residents, a high school guidance office, an academic department or college's financial aid office, free internet searches or libraries. One area that is not searched as often but should is a parent's company, or even student employers, so if you are a single mother working and going to school contact your employer to see if there are scholarships available.

Scholarship for Single Mother

With so many scholarships being available it can often be difficult to choose which one is best for you. Narrow your search by which you believe best meets eligibility factors, and then take the time to devote persuasive applications that include transcripts, proof of eligibility, personal essays, recommendation letters, etc. Make sure to follow directions carefully, as well as giving yourself enough time to put together a great application opposed to something being done at the last minute. Follow directions, proofread your work, double check that, apply early and keep copies for your records. Scholarship for Single Mother: Beware of Scholarship Scams

There are entities that state that there's millions of scholarship dollars that go unused every year. This is incorrect, as the greater part of the funds comes from the federal government and the private scholarships come from organizations that are willing to let students utilize them. The Federal Trade Commission alerts families to beware of scams that encourage students to make a payment to hold the scholarship, or if the student has been selected for an unknown scholarship. Schools have a given amount of funds to make use of for students, and no one can change the system to get more money for scholarships than they are granted through the standard financial aid process.

Why Should I Apply?

As a single mother, don't let high costs be a reason not to go to school. Bettering your education should be a top priority because it will pay off in the future and you will be able to support yourself and your family. Apply today for a scholarship and it will be one less financial cost you will have to worry about, every little bit helps, right?

Author, Kelly Kennedy, writes for http://www.singlemotherresources.com, a great online source for single mothers.

Teen Fitness Serenade

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positive Self-Image Through Fitness

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not easy and can cause any parent a lot of stress. There’s so much to worry about – dating, drugs, alcohol, sex, school grades, just to name a few. But one crucial element often gets overlooked until it manifests itself in extreme ways (like through an eating disorder). I’m talking about self-image. It’s extremely important that parents ensure that their children have a positive self-image, especially in relation to their body.

The key to ensuring strong self-esteem and a positive body image starts with the parent. If you don’t feel positive about your self-image, then how can you expect your children to? While this is important for both genders, it is especially critical for raising a healthy daughter. And beginning the lessons when a girl is young is imperative, so don’t wait until it’s too late – teaching your daughter to feel good about her body needs to start at a very young age.

Eating disorder experts say girls are developing eating disorders as young as 5 and 6 years old. And a recent study indicated that 70% of the sixth-grade girls they surveyed said they began worrying about their weight between ages 9 and 11. Why are so many young girls thinking that they are fat? Many are obsessing about their weight because they have parents who are preoccupied with their own poor body images.

While the statistics are disheartening, the good news is that there’s a lot that can be done to help our children have positive self-images. And, even small changes that parents make can help. Here are few tips to help your children avoid warped and negative body images:
* Establish a “no diet talk” rule. When your children are nearby, DON’T talk about dieting or how fat you feel! This is extremely important. Remember, kids are listening all the time (even when you think that they aren’t – especially then). So, even though asking your spouse or friend “do I look fat in this?” may seem innocent, it can have a life-altering effect on your kids when they repeatedly hear it.
* Parents aren’t the only adults that influence their children. Set the “no diet talk” rule mentioned above for all adults that are around your children. This means you shouldn’t allow your friends, parents, siblings, neighbors, or anyone else to talk about being fat or being on a diet when they are around your children.
* Set a good example. If your children never see you engage in fitness or if they hear you complain about working out, then they are going to have a negative image of exercise. Let them know that you workout to stay healthy, to be strong and to have more energy and stamina (so you can keep up with them)!
* Get your kids involved in sports. Experts say that playing sports really helps build confidence and improves self-esteem (especially for girls).
* Teach your children to include physical activity as part of their daily routine. But don’t force them to exercise. Make sure that the physical activity is seen as something fun to do rather than teaching them to think of exercise as a necessary evil. Good activities include taking a nightly family walk, turning off the t.v. and instead turning music on that you all can dance to, or taking a weekend family bike ride.
* Try to prepare (or if you are short are time purchase) healthy meals. And teach them the importance of good nutrition. Don’t let them have the misconception that there are “good” and “bad” foods. If a kid thinks that candy is a “bad” food, then naturally they will just want it more. Just try to encourage your kids to eat a balanced diet each day and to eat sugary and/or fatty foods in moderation.

Remember that something as small as talking about losing weight in front of your kids can have very detrimental effects on their self-image as they age. Damaging behavior learned from a parent at a young age can take years for a child to overcome. So, the sooner you start incorporating the tips above into your life, the better for you child. But don’t forget that it has to start with you – make sure that you are incorporating healthy fitness and eating rituals into your daily routine and that you have a positive body image (no matter what your size or shape is)!

Author, Lynn Bode, is dedicated to helping people get fit. Through her website company, http://www.workoutsforyou.com, she offers affordable online exercise programs to help you lose weight, tone-up, build muscles, increase stamina and more. Custom programs for all fitness levels. Visit the site for a Free sample workout.

Money Spending Opus

Saving Money By Spending Wisely

Why is it that the older and richer people become, the more conservative they are with their money? Have you ever done or know someone who has made an investment that promised a 10% interest or profit per month? Everyone wants to make above average profits. It is amazing how many people will send their very hard earned money across the world to Nigeria or to Boca Rattan, Florida on the promise of a telephone acquaintance to make them much richer. People give their money to complete strangers in hopes of making more money.

All good investment advisers will tell their clients “If a deal is too good to be true, it probably is.” Professionals only make very high returns in areas they personally know very well. This, for them, is a business investment, not a passive investment like stocks, bonds or mutual funds. Real estate and business investments are considered active investments. People who are employed by others do not usually make active investments, because they just do not have the time to watch a business investment, where big profits are always possible (as well as big losses.)

People with small amounts of money come to me all the time and ask: “What can I do with $1,000 that will give me a big return?” Here is the answer. When I was a 21-year-old lad working for my father, I had money in the bank, I owed securities (stocks) and my income was a fixed salary. I saw many opportunities to make money all around me, in the business. My father, like so many employers, wasn’t interested. Besides I was trying to figure out how I could make money for me.

At the time, 1971, we had high inflation and prices were going up on many things. My father used metal rings to seal containers, nuts and bolts, paint, and other industrial supplies. I watched prices starting to go up and it appeared that they might even double on finished products that were made from steel. Since the company used these products all the time, buying bigger orders meant buying much more then you needed and having to store it so it didn’t get stolen. I used to buy 2 years supply of bolts at a time. Knowing the price was going up, I bought a 4-year supply. Rings took a lot of space so we would buy 3 months at a time. The problem with new rings, being bought and laying around, in storage, was that the workers, taking the easy way out, would take new rings out of the warehouse, instead of cleaning the old rings, which saved the company a lot of money.

My father didn’t want to have a years worth of rings around, even though we both knew the price was going to continue going up. We came up with an idea. I would buy, with my own money, the extra inventory, the amount above the companies normal order size. My investment inventory would be stored in a separate locked area in the warehouse. When the company needed more rings or bolts, it would buy them from me at the then current market price. I made $1,500 on my $5,000 investment in just six months. That was a 30%, no risk profit in just half a year. Now I was hot.

When I got married, and I used more toilet paper and toothpaste than I did before, I decided that I should repeat the process that I learned as a boy. When I was a boy toilet paper was 10 cents a role. If you do not know what it is now, take a look. I bought 5 cases of toilet paper and put it in the garage. I knew that paper prices were going up. I not only got the increase in price, I got close out quantity discounts by the case. Do you know that dog and cat food by the case is 10% off? Then if you wait for when Friskies has a sale or close out, then buy large cases; you cannot believe what you will save. If you can get a distributor or wholesaler to sell direct to you, another 20-33% is possible. You might check the price at Costco. It may be cheaper than what the wholesaler will sell it to you for.

You only buy items that you know you will use yourself, personally. You are not buying for resale. You are buying a two-year supply of things you know you will use, for sure. Toilet paper is one of them. (Make sure you try the brand out, to see that you will like it.) Smart and Final has many things in bulk. Compare prices at Costco, Smart and Final, the 99-cent store, and if you can find the distributor that the 99-cent store buys from in Downtown LA, you will really be buying cheap.

First step. Make a list of everything you buy on a regular bases. List non-food items, bathroom items and dry or canned food items. Do not buy food the rats can get into. Grains must be in steel drum with bags. You will be shocked at how much 20 lbs of rice will cost you compared to a one pound bag, about a quarter of the cost or less. Do not buy clothing, because of change of styles and weight. You can buy men’s socks and underclothing when you see a real close out at 80% off. Men wear the same style all their lives and their weight tends to be constant. Do not do this for children or woman. Things change too fast.

Second step. Price shop so you will know what are the good prices and bad prices. Do not buy yet, just price shop.

Third Step. Decide how much inventory you want to have, how much money do you have to spend and how long it will take you to use it all up. Where are you going to put it so that it will be safe and dry? Not a public storage place, please. The rent will eat up your volume buying profits, real fast.

Fourth Step. Look for close outs so you can buy cheaper than the best price you planned on and then have fun buying.

Hidden Bonus: There are also non-profit advantages to this program that you should be aware of. In case of an economic depression you have food. That means if you loose your job, you still eat. Your unemployment check can then go towards the rent, gas in the car, car payments, and fresh food. You will already have most of the toilet items and other things you will need, until you get a job.

In case of a natural disaster or a teamster strike you will have your well-stocked private supermarket with those needed items. The IRS closed down Howard Ruff, a newsletter writer in the 1970’s. They attached all of his bank accounts, and locked the front door of his store. Howard had 12 children, no income and no money in his pocket. He did have big food storage, which fed his family while he took a month to decide what his next move was going to be. He was able to think his problem out without panicking because his family was fed, and he could postpone his mortgage, utilities and other bills for a few months, before he had big troubles.

So be smart. Invest in a food storage program. Only buy what you will use, and do use. Buy in quantities that you will use up in 2 years. Do not buy a 5-year supply of anything. Shop for the best price, and then wait for a better deal than that. Then you have made a safe and profitable investment, while at the same protecting your family from emergencies.

Author, Willard Michlin, is a real estate and financial distress consultant. He can be contacted at his Ventura, California office by calling 805-529-9854 or by e-mail at kismetrei@earthlink.net. See other article by Willard at http://www.kismetgroup.com.

Painless Relocation Verse

Scaling Down (Almost) Painlessly

Moving to a smaller house or apartment in a retirement community almost always involves a certain degree of trauma, both for the elder who's moving and for family members. However, by planning ahead you can reduce the discomfort involved and turn what might well become a nightmare into a pleasant event.

Begin by Planning for the Move

Where is the elder moving? Go to the actual house or apartment with tape measure, pad and pencil and write down measurements. Floor space is important, but don't forget about ceilings. Many elders own large pieces of furniture that may not fit into rooms with low ceilings. Your work here will determine which pieces can move with your elder.

And while you're at the actual location, talk to several other elders who already live there. What is their life style? Do they go outside the property on frequent trips? How do they dress? Casual lifestyles will require an entirely different style of dress than more formal ones.

Gather Supplies and Contact Helpers

Having all the supplies you will need in one place will speed your task. You'll want a number of storage bins; five or six should be sufficient to hold sorted items. Plastic bags can be used for discarded belongings and as a container for articles to be donated to charities. Packing boxes and supplies such as padding materials and wide sealing tape are must-haves. Labels and dark marking pens are essential to ensure that boxes go to their intended location.

While you're in the gathering stage, begin to contact helpers you'll need. Among these may be:
* estate sale professionals
* ertified appraisers
* moving companies
* house cleaners
* repair specialists (electricians, plumbers, carpenters, painters)

Ask friends, relatives, and senior real estate specialists for recommendations. Also, check with the Better Business Bureau to ascertain whether problems have been reported about particular companies or individuals.

Approach Your Task One Room at a Time

Who should help? The elder and one family member should assume responsibility for sorting all items and some packing. Do not include everyone in the family if you want to make the job quick and easy because distractions increase in geometric proportion to the number of persons doing the sorting.

Sort all the items in one single room at once, beginning and ending in the kitchen. Why start there? Because kitchens in small houses and apartments typically are short on storage space, and the elder needs time and experience to determine which items are true necessities, and which may never be used. If you reduce kitchen items to a bare minimum at the beginning, your elder can determine what's needed and what's not by living with them ahead of time. After living with fewer items, your elder may find that items once thought essential may not be needed. Complete work in the kitchen at the very end of your tasks.

Even though you intend to stay in only one room, distractions will occur. Resist them by stacking items that belong in another room at the door. A bin or box placed just inside the door can contain all the items that have homes elsewhere.

Make your motto One Thing at a Time; One Time for each Thing. Once you've picked up an item, decide then and there what its fate should be. Place it in one of the bins you've labeled:
* Discards
* Donations
* Distribution to Relatives
* Keepers
* Uncertainties

Large collections of books may require their own bins. You might have bins for Collectors' editions, books to be stored, books to be sold to book dealers.

When you have finished categorizing all the items in the room, start the packing process. Items in the Uncertainties bin can be packed for storage.

If an unbreakable item is to be moved only a short distance, don't waste time on elaborate packing and padding. Items like crystal and china, however, require excellent packing, regardless of the distance they will be moved. If you can't do a great job, leave packing fragile items to professionals.

Mark boxes as you go.
Mark boxes as you go!
Mark boxes as you go!!!

Nothing is more frustrating than finding that you've shipped your elder's bed linens to Aunt Minnie and kept a silver salver you meant to send your nephew.

Don't try to do everything at once. Do only one room on any given day, and take the time to enjoy reminiscing as you sort items.

This is also the perfect time to have a certified appraiser come in to appraise items that may be of significant value. Very expensive items may be auctioned at an auction house such as Christy's or Sotheby's. Less expensive items can be sold to local antiques dealers. By having an idea of their value before going to dealers, you reduce the chance that dealers can scam you.

You could also consider selling items through an on-line auction. If you do so, remember that you will be responsible for shipping items and ensuring their condition to successful bidders.

Distribute Items to the Intended Recipients

Schedule a single day for distribution of items. In-town relatives can come to pick up items intended for them; they may also be helpful by taking bags to charities, books to resellers, boxes to storage, and trash to dumps.

Use this day for shipping as well. Small items can be shipped via UPS or FedEx; large pieces of furniture and antiques may require special handling by movers. Once you've finished distribution, you should have a considerably reduced pile of boxes and furniture. These boxes should contain only items to be moved to the elder's new residence or to storage. Remaining items should be those to be sold in an estate sale.

Move the Elder to His New Residence

Will the mover actually show up on time? Will the mover actually show up at all? Increase the probability of a good outcome for the move by contacting the mover to confirm arrangement a week ahead and the day before the actual move is scheduled. Of course, missed appointments may still occur, but if you've checked out the company with the Better Business Bureau and reminded the company of your appointment, the chances are good that the move will go as planned.

Accompany your elder to his new residence and help him with the moving-in process. Even if not all boxes can be emptied in a single day, he will feel more comfortable if a few items that are meaningful to him are unpacked and placed where he can find them.

Hold an Estate Sale

Once the movers have left the premises, the estate sale professionals should come in to evaluate and price items for the estate sale. Give them a key to the house, and then get out of their way. If you have chosen well, these professionals can do a great job of pricing items to sell and clearing the house of whatever remains. They will take a percentage of the sale receipts as compensation.

The days of the sale are good days to keep your elder busy elsewhere. A tearful elder does nothing to help sales.

Schedule a professional cleaning service to clean the house once the estate sale is over. When that has been completed to your satisfaction, turn the keys over to your senior real estate professional and give yourself a big pat on the back. You're done!

Here is a checklist to help you through this process. Or copy this address into your browser address bar.
http://www.thebestisyet.net/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/pando19/start.cgi/movechecklist.htm

Author, Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net.

Happiness Verse

The Red Balloon of Happiness

Just when you think you know it all, some 17-month old child comes along and teaches you another valuable life lesson.

Little Lady lost her favorite ball. There are few things that bring this 17-month-old more joy than playing with her favorite ball. And, of course, we want our daughter to have all the happiness she can get.

So we headed out to the store to replace the missing ball. Little Lady enjoyed the outing, since there were so many exciting things to pull off shelves. And when we reached the ball aisle, she nearly jumped for joy. (OK, more like raced to the bin and started covering the floor with her joy, one bounce at a time.)

As we left the aisle, Little Lady was happy and smiling. She held her replacement ball in her hands as we walked up to the cash. While waiting to pay, Little Lady caught sight of a red balloon that had obviously been used for some promotion, but was now wandering aimlessly around the floor like a lost puppy.

If you think a ball can bring happiness, wait 'til you see the sparkle in the eye of a toddler who has just found her very own red balloon. Pure joy! Of course, she adopted the balloon immediately and clung to it all the way back to the car. Did she want to hold the ball? No way. She had a balloon!

I couldn't help but marvel at how she valued the free, fragile balloon more than the sturdy ball I for which had just paid good money. Is there a lesson we can learn for self-actualization? Here are the possible lessons that immediately occurred to me:

1. Why bother having a thick skin, if your daughter prefers thin skins?
2. If you drift aimlessly long enough, you might get adopted.
3. Money can't buy the most important things in life (happiness, joy, smiles, balloons, etc.)
4. Your child can see value where you cannot, so listen to what she says.

I figure at least two of these are valuable lessons that can add happiness to a person's life. Little Lady teaches me self-actualization lessons daily now, and I am learning to listen with head and heart.

How often do we value the wrong things? The things that cost the most? How hard to we work to earn all that extra income to buy things we simply do not need. Anyone reading this probably has more than she will ever need, and yet don't we all want more anyway?

Suppose we chose to have less of the things money can buy, and instead chose to have more time? More time to spend with our family? More time to spend with ourselves? More time to just be? What if we are giving up the red balloon chasing after the ball?

My wife and I made a big decision a few months ago. We gave up the condo in the city for a big ol' house in the country. Our red balloon was space to raise a family in a much less noisy and stressed-out environment. The ball we gave up was the "glamour" of city living and a fancy condo.

Assuming we can make a living from my book, my ezine, my web site and whatever other work-from-home projects I take on, we get to keep the red balloon.

I invite you to look carefully at your life. Ask what truly brings you meaning. Then ask yourself if you could have more of that if you spent less time and effort on activities that don't bring you meaning but just fill your time.

Enjoy your red balloon...

David Leonhardt is the Happy Guy, speaker, author, and publisher of "Your Daily Dose of Happiness" at http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.


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Birthday Party Ode

Birthday Party Fun: Goodie Bag Alternatives

If you’re looking for alternatives to pricey goodie bags, here are a few ideas that will make your guests--and wallet--happy.

Any Fun Party:

Take Polaroid photos of each guest with the birthday child, and decorate cardboard picture frames, or make frames with popsicle sticks.

Dance Party:

Let the birthday child create a mix CD of favorite music. Burn copies for everybody (and play it at the party too!).

Hawaiian Party:

Decorate inexpensive plastic sunglasses with artificial flowers. String together more artificial flowers for one-of- a-kind leis.

Royal Party:

Decorate paper crowns and make scepters from wooden dowels and plastic jewels.

Sleepover Party:

Decorate plastic light-switch plates with stickers. Allow your young guests to embellish white pillowcases with fabric paints for a take-home sleepy surprise.

Spring or Garden Party:

Paint flower pots and include a pack of flower seeds for children to grow at home.

Survivor Party:

Send the children on a scavenger hunt equipped with compasses and trail mixes that they can make before the hunt. The compass will become a new favorite gadget, and the trail mix is a lot healthier that candy treats.

Tea Party:

Let the girls decorate straw hats with artificial flowers, which they can wear for the party, and later take home. Complete the party with candy necklaces.

Have fun!

Deborah Shelton the author of "The Five Minute Parent: Fun & Fast Activities for You and Your Little Ones." Visit Deborah's website for more family-friendly ideas: http://www.fiveminuteparent.com.


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