Online Dating Don'ts Serenade

The 6 Don'ts of Online Dating

In previous articles on Internet dating, I outlined what you should do when writing your personal ad, how to exchange e-mails with a woman who has replied to your ad, how to conduct an effective IM (Instant Messaging) conversation and what to do to land a first date.

In this article, I'm shifting gears. I'm going to tell you about the Six Don'ts of Internet dating.

These are things you should never do when it comes to picking up women online, regardless of how much coffee you drank.

1 - When conversing through e-mail, don't write your life story

Nothing turns off a woman more than a man who can't shut up. If you don't believe me, the next time you're corresponding with a woman you've met online, write a one-page e-mail about what you like to do on weekends, and see what kind of response you get. Nine times out of 10, a woman won't even reply to you. She'll simply delete your e-mail and move on to the next guy. Why is that?

First, women usually perceive a long-winded man as needy. And most women want a challenge. Needy men aren't challenging. Second, quite frankly, women want to do all of the talking. And they want you to listen.

What to do: Keep all your e-mail replies short (i.e. no longer than three sentences). The first two sentences should be used for answering a question (or questions) she may have asked, and the last sentence should be reserved for asking her a question. Remember: Questions keep the 'dialogue' moving, and give her the sense that you are thoughtful and interested.

2 - Don't initiate sexual talk

Many women think men have nothing but sex on brain. Though there is some truth to this statement, you'll get further in the game by not hinting at or talking about sex.

Besides, in this politically correct world, who wants to take the chance of offending women with sex talk, especially if you don't know them well?

What to do: Just don't do it. In fact, you'd be surprised by how many women will actually initiate a conversation about sex. When a woman initiates talk about sex, consider that a green light, though I suggest that your comments be very well thought out. Besides, if you're looking for aggressive sexual dialogue with a woman, there are plenty of 'adult' oriented personal sites that cater to that.

3 - Don't lie

It's a known fact that a significant percentage of men and women lie about themselves, whether it's about marital status, income, education level or occupation, when it comes to creating an online profile of themselves.

I'm a true believer that the lies will catch up with you -- sooner rather than later. And if you find a woman who is really interested in you, and you've lied to her, it's just a matter of time before she finds out the truth.

What to do: If you think your income is too low, or if your occupation isn't exactly exciting, simply 'up-sell' other qualities about yourself. Focus on the good instead. Never lie to impress a woman. Ever.

4 - Don't send too many e-mail or IM messages

Again, you don't want to appear needy.

One way to appear needy is by sending a woman three or four e-mail or IM messages a day.

Of course, if the e-mail or IM conversation is moving along at breakneck speed and is interesting and stimulating, then by all means, have a full-fledged dialogue with her. In other words, don't hold back. You may even try to close the deal right there and ask her out on a date.

But if you're in the early stages where you're still in the process of getting to know each other, then I suggest keeping your interactions to a minimum.

What to do: I know it's difficult, especially if the woman is hot, but you have to be disciplined. Limit yourself to two e-mails per day, and keep streaming IM conversations to no longer than 15 minutes. If the dialogue exceeds this time, then excuse yourself and end the conversation, saying that you have some things to take care of -- and don't go into detail about it.

By doing this, you'll remain mysterious, something that turns most women on.

5 - Don't spread yourself too thin

One of the better problems to have with Internet dating is corresponding with too many women.

Yeah, I know exactly what you're thinking: What man doesn't want to be chased by dozens of beautiful women? But truth be told, having an effective personal ad that generates a lot of responses can backfire on you if you're not careful.

For instance, in the past month, I've received 56 responses to my personal ad. That's a ton of women to e-mail. In fact, it's too many. Way too many.

If you try to reply to every single woman who responds to your ad, you'll soon find yourself spending your days writing e-mail. More importantly, you'll start forgetting what you've said and to whom.

I can't tell you how many times I've been embarrassed because I asked a woman the same question four or five times.

What to do: Though I encourage you to be polite, you may find yourself physically unable to reply to every woman who has responded to your ad. In fact, I recommend that you don't reply to every woman who responds to your personal ad.

Instead, if you're getting dozens of responses each week, only reply to the women you wish to pursue further. Furthermore, if these leads don't work out for you, then you can always go back to the other women you didn't reply to originally.

6 - Don't appear too eager to go on a date

Unless a woman immediately asks to meet you (and some will), a rule of thumb about asking a woman for a date is to wait at least a week after the initial contact before asking her out.

If you ask her out too soon, when she's not ready and comfortable, she'll disappear.

If you wait, one of the things that will go through her mind is, why isn't this guy asking me out?

When that happens, you'll instantly become more attractive to her.

What to do: Let her make the first move. If she's the kind of woman who wants to be pursued, she might be a high maintenance princess, and that's the last thing you want to deal with.

Play it safe, play it cool

Now, we're all a bunch of macho men, but you can never be too safe. The last thing you want is to be involved in a real-life fatal attraction.

So in addition to these six 'don'ts,' I also advise against handing out your telephone number or your address. Take your time to get to know the woman before revealing your personal information.

Now go score!

Jack Conway, http://www.weeklyscore.com.